More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
