woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
