My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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