get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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