The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
