Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
