i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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