no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
