So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
