So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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