i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
