fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
