Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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