The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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