I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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