real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
