I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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