You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
honey bunches of taint.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
