i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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