Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
