I will die if light touches me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Even my vagina gasped.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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