When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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