Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
