she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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