We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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