I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
