i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
