i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
