blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
