it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
In America we eat man semen.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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