I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
