Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
