I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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