Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
