Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
