I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
