you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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