Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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