pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
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