I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
