I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
