Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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