oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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