whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
