I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
