There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
