if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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