Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
