I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
