Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
