Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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