Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
