Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
